Shower and then Face the Consequences

As the mother of a "difficult" or "highly spirited" child, the thought of showering is daunting most days.  It looks more like a multiple choice test:

Do I
a) wash hair and rinse off the dirt as quickly as possible
b) do (a) plus add in shaving under arms
c) skip washing hair and opt for shaving legs instead
d) try to accomplish all of the appropriate bathing rituals and pray the entire time that my house isn't on fire.

If I opt for (d), that means that I will skip blow drying hair and putting on make-up.

If you've read previous posts you know that my nearly 5 yr old daughter could probably break out of Alcatraz.  At one point I wondered what the division of social services would think of me putting her in our large breed dog crate just so I could get a shower.

Sure I could get up at 5 am to shower before she wakes up or I could do it at 10 pm after everyone is in bed, the kitchen is cleaned up and the laundry is put away.  For some reason, I opt to try to beat her at the game.

My jewelry box is on the top shelf of my closet, I accept that all my nightstand table reads will be thoroughly flipped through and on the floor.  My freshly made bed will have been used as a trampoline with a pillow fort on the ground.  She will have helped herself to a snack that she climbed the tallest mountain to get and used some sharp object I swear I child-proofed to open it.  She will have poured herself a 32 oz bottle of milk in one of the huge bottles I take to work out.  She once climbed up onto a flipped over laundry basket, got keys to unlock my car so that she could get the garage door open and was outside riding her bike.

At this point I feel like I should give a million disclaimers about mine and my husband's level of education, professions and upbringing.  All of that is irrelevant when you are dealing with a difficult child.  After 5 years, she constantly keeps us on our toes and reminds us that even taking a shower is risky.  Child proofing can truly only mean keeping an eye on her 24 hours a day.

On days like today when my husband lets me sleep in a little extra, brings me my coffee and tells me to take my time and enjoy my shower, I fall in love with him all over again.

Cheers to washed and blow-dried hair, make up and even a little attention to the eyebrows.

5:30 am and an independent 4 yr old are not a good combination

Here's another family favorite:

5:30 am and our bedroom door flies open.

An out of breath four year old appears.

Lulu:  daddy sophie (our german shepherd) is outside.

Daddy: no she's not honey, it's early, she's downstairs.

Lulu: no daddy she is running down the street.

Daddy:  honey, you must be having a bad dream, I'm sure she is downstairs.

Lulu: no! she's! not!  I let her out the front door and she started to run away.  I tried to chase her, but I couldn't catch her.  Some old men were walking down the street, but don't worry I didn't talk to them.

Thanks for the "don't worry" Lulu...the fact that you were outside alone before sunrise is a perfectly normal and fine thing for you to do so long as you don't talk to strangers.....seriously? As a parent, where do you go with this one?  Our daughter was telling the truth and not only had she left the house without us, she went topless.  Certainly the neighbors had already called the Department of Social Services.  Hadn't we locked the upper "child proof" lock and hidden the key?  

Once again, she left us feeling like one of us should be awake at all times with eyes on her and there was no room for error in our house.  One missed lock led to one wandering 4 year old and I'm sure plenty of neighborhood gossip (we have a regular crew of early morning walkers).  

We crack up when we think about it (we know it is a horrible story that could have ended tragically), but no matter how hands on and on top of guessing her every move we are, we can never anticipate every move.  We have to laugh about it ~ if not I would be paralyzed by fear.  

Another Day....Another Lock

Last summer we had a neighborhood playdate at our house and for one reason or another my daughter was sent to her room for a "little break".

Within minutes my neighbor's older son came running in and said "Lulu is on the roof".  I sprinted to her room and found her crawling back inside.

I have to admit, when we were strategically picking which child would go in which room, I was bothered by the fact that two of our kids room have roof access at low points.  I know what I was like as a teenager...but I never imagined I would have to worry about my 3 yr old sneaking out.  Seriously ~ this is ridiculous.

She confidently asserted that she was trying to talk to the kids outside and when they couldn't hear her she just went outside.  Have I mentioned she has NO BOUNDARIES?

The windows were bolted shut and my decent into creating a mini-alcatraz was coming to fruition.  Child labor laws aside, I should let her start a child proofing company ~ give her 2 minutes alone in your house and she will find the most dangerous or expensive thing to ruin.

Fast forward a year later...it's spring....it's North Carolina...it's hot.
Time for the screens to go in.  We contemplated about removing the bolt.  We figured she was older and a little more willing to listen and her room was sweltering.

It lasted 3 days...for three days I thought we had averted another roof experience.  Sometimes I want to pretend I live in the kind of house where 4 year olds don't justify why it is ok for them to go on the roof...but I don't and the bolts are back in.

I don't think this happens to everyone....

This is one of those stories that led us to believe we were not dealing with your average 2 1/2 year old.

It's 11:00 at night.  The house is quiet...we are dozing....and I hear something downstairs.  Mother's intuition and our 100 lb German Shepherd told me all was ok, but to go check it out.

As I was coming down the stairs I could tell every light in the downstairs was turned on and I could hear Blues Clues blaring from our TV...I looked into my office and saw no less than seven open permanent markers on the floor.  This is not going to be good.


I headed to the family room and couldn't believe my sleepy eyes.  My 2 1/2 year old was standing at the coffee table cleaning it off with all of the appropriate cleaning supplies, eating a BAG of mini-marshmellows, had colored her legs solid black and red and was watching Blues Clues (Noggin ~ what pre-schooler really needs to be watching TV at that hour?).

To get the cleaning supplies she had to move a chair to the laundry room and climb onto our front-loading washing machine to get to the upper cabinets.  Thank goodness for a house full of non-toxic cleaners.  The marshmallows were acquired by moving the same chair to another cabinet and crawling up the shelves to the top level....leaving red finger prints all the way.

I was horrified, shocked and at that moment I was not the LEAST bit amused.  I yelled "Lulu what are you doing" and she announced "I'm cleaning and having a snack".  "Lulu, you need to get back to your room and go to bed".  Little miss no fear looked at me and said "Why don't you just go back to bed?"

She was furious with me for interrupting her. She wasn't afraid of the dark and clearly saw no boundaries.  She had even negotiated two remote controls to get it to her show.  In my head I couldn't help but fast-forward a few years.  What are we about to face?  Only time would tell.

Let's just say we have purchased a ton of locks over the past two years and have learned which ones she can pic :)