How's this for good parenting....

A few weeks back we had a "tune up" with Lulu's behavior specialist/child psychologist.  We share stories...she writes notes and starts to give us suggestions.
Time out...time in her room...losing privileges...go on one side of things we've worked at.

On the other side, we've tried rewards and bribery...we prefer to refer to them as incentives.

We are consistent.

We are firm.

We are calm.

We are loving.

We are compassionate.

And then...I think it is fair to say when all of that fails we lose our sh*@!

The story that finally clicked with the therapist was the great "buckle in" debate.

Every time we are getting into the car I ask Lulu ~ "do you want me to buckle you or do you want to do it?" (giving her options)

Lulu: I'll do it.

So I proceed to get her little brother in and she changes her mind.

Lulu: No, you do it.

So I start to do it and she yells

Lulu: Not like that!  I'll do it.

I resign myself to the fact that this is my life and I get in my seat.  I buckle in and ask if everyone is ready to go.

If you have a difficult child, this next part won't shock you.

Lulu (at the top of her lungs): I am not buckled it!  Come buckle me in now!

Of course this is the perfect time for the Walkers Brigade who all have grandchildren to walk past and I smile politely.  I really shouldn't open the garage door until I have things under control.

I start to buckle her in calmly and she struggles and complains about how she wants the seat belt over her head.  I tell her for the umpteenth time that it is not an option and that it isn't safe.

She yells again.

Lulu:  Don't touch me, I'll buckle myself in.

At this point my calm is fading and we are late.  I forcibly take the seatbelt out of her hands and buckle her in.

She promptly unbuckles herself and yells more nasty things at me about how I am not her friend and she doesn't like me.

I get into my seat and start to back out the driveway to fits and screams of her complaining that she isn't buckled in and now the seat belt is tangled and she can't buckle herself in.

Are you tired yet?  This regular routine is freaking exhausting to me.

I stop the car, get out AGAIN and she lets me buckle her in properly as she continues to mutter all the reasons she doesn't like me.

She carries this grudge with her the rest of the day and it irritates me that she can't let it go.  This has happened more times than I care to admit and I still haven't figured out how to break the cycle....though this is a case when bribery works best.

"Fastest one in their seat gets a piece of candy"...How's that for good parenting?