Not reacting is NOT in my nature

Our current focus on parenting is not responding.  Apparently when we respond to basic commentary from little Lulu or tell her she isn't using a very nice tone we push a button that releases an atomic bomb in our house.

She yells back at us with the fury and vengeance I imagine I had accumulated by age seventeen.  She is enraged.  We are supposed to let it roll of our backs....even when that means she yells "You are stupid" at me repeatedly.  That nearly kills me.  Counting to 10 is hard.  The parents looking at me in Trader Joes is hard.  They don't know that I have tried being stern, maintaining control, I have tried coddling parenting methods...I admit I've tried smacking her hand, time out, I've carried her out of stores kicking and screaming leaving a full cart behind.  They don't know that I have been advised by a professional to just let it go.  Three aisles over in the store my daughter has realized she hasn't gotten a response.  The next thing out of her mouth is "Mommy, can I be your helper and put things in the cart please?"

WHAT?  Who is this child?  Where are all the staring eyes that heard her call me stupid and were calling their friends to talk about the mom with No Control over her 4 yr old!  She becomes my perfect angel ~ my sweet helper and am I so proud of.....me.  I didn't match her temper tantrum and anger and that is a big step for me.  It is hard not to do when you are so exhausted by these constant battles.

This morning she announced she was sitting on the table to put shoes on.  I told her that the table wasn't a good place to sit and recommended a chair instead.  She yelled back "You know absolutely nothing" (my 17 year old self has appeared again).  I smile and she yells "It is not funny mommy".  I walk out of the room and another atomic bomb is avoided.  She puts on her shoes and runs outside to play.

As a mother, we all learn to pass a little less judgement when we see stuff happening between another mother and child....we all know that it was a series of trying events that probably got them to a point where they could just stare off into space as their child yells "Did you hear me?  I said you were stupid".